→ You feel isolated and lonely, thinking that no one else understands what you are going through on a daily basis.
→ You crave real, authentic female friendships and finding other moms that accept you and your child because they “get it.”
→ You feel surrounded by judgment and are overwhelmed with stress, guilt, exhaustion and loneliness in this parenting journey. Sometimes you even worry that you’re not good enough.
→ You are tired of people dismissing your feelings and situation, being labeled a “supermom” and faking that you are “fine” when you really feel like you are drowning most days.
→ You do everything for everyone and still feel guilty when you carve time out for yourself, which is typically very rare.
→ You have feelings of anger, resentment, shame, guilt, and even grief, but you’ve never felt safe or comfortable to openly talk about them with others.
→ You feel like you’re just surviving most days, you’re anxious, on edge, and by the end of each day just want to scroll IG, binge Netflix and check the eff out.
→ If you are parenting with a partner, you have deprioritized your relationship because after parenting your child/children all day, you’ve got nothing left to give.
→ Whether a single parent or parenting with a partner, you have resentment because you feel like you carry the load, both emotionally and mentally, and you’re over it.
→ You compare yourself to other “normal” families and fantasize what it would be like to have game nights or movie nights at home without a meltdown.
→ You dream of play dates for your child without dreading whether or not you or your child are going to be judged.
→ You wish you could leave your child with a sitter or caregiver without feeling anxious, stressed, or worried about the aftermath when you come back home.
RAISE YOUR HAND IF THIS IS YOU...
AND I'M SO READY TO HELP YOU
I totally get it
- FEEL SEEN, VALIDATED AND HEARD
- SHARE YOUR FEELINGS (YOUR REAL FEELINGS) WITHOUT JUDGMENT
- FIND YOUR VILLAGE OF PEOPLE THAT GET WHAT YOU’RE GOING THROUGH AND STOP FEELING SO ALONE
- TAKE A BREAK WITHOUT ANXIETY, KNOWING YOUR CHILD IS SAFE
- LEARN TOOLS TO BETTER ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILD
- SET BOUNDARIES FOR YOURSELF AND STAND BY THEM WITH CONFIDENCE
- CONNECT BETTER WITH YOUR CHILD
- GO TO BED AT NIGHT WITHOUT STRESS AND GUILT, KNOWING THAT YOU’RE AN AMAZING EFFING MOM!
MORE THAN ANYTHING,
YOU WANT TO:
CLEARLY, SOMETHING HAD TO CHANGE.
Before I cracked the code on navigating the world of parenting a special needs child and figured out how to get out of survival mode, my days and life were filled with constantly feeling stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted, alone, stuck in fight or flight and like there was no hope for feeling better or things changing in my life.
I remember feeling like no one understood what I was going through and feeling completely alone and isolated in my parenting journey. I constantly worried about the future and what life was going to look like for me, my child, and wanting to do anything to help her, but felt exhausted and helpless just even thinking about it all.
I felt guilty having thoughts and feelings that I was embarrassed to ever share, like feelings of resentment, comparison, anger, and grief. I found myself jealous of other friends’ families and wanting a new life, thinking “what if” and “why me?” It was like I was in this shame spiral, and I would find myself breaking down crying when I was alone in my car because I was so exhausted and sad and didn’t know if I could handle it anymore, but knowing I had no choice.
And the comments and judgment! Not going to lie - I had to restrain myself sometimes from yelling at other parents or throat-punching some of the moms that had all the opinions about my child and my parenting choices but zero ability to teach their own children kindness, empathy, inclusivity and acceptance. I dreamt of what it would feel like to find other moms and friends for my child that we could hang out with without worrying and where she and I could feel safe to just be ourselves.
I felt like when I had conversations with moms of neurotypical kids, I was treated with total dismissiveness and my feelings were totally invalidated, like our day to day struggles and life were no different from each other and our kids were exactly the same. OR I was told I was a “Supermom” that just handled everything with such patience and grace, and “How did I handle it all?” Like I had a choice! Oh, and by the way, I’m completely drowning, emotionally exhausted, fairly depressed, angry, and totally overwhelmed. But thanks for asking and for offering your feedback with absolutely no help and support.
I think back to all the years I spent looking for answers to help my daughter through parent coaches, behavioral therapy, art therapy, neurofeedback, books, podcasts, doctors, you name it and never finding anything that truly helped after spending countless hours and thousands of dollars. She got kicked out of three schools because they couldn’t “support her needs” anymore, like she was the problem, and it was our fault she wasn’t learning or progressing. I was constantly fighting with schools and doctors to advocate for my daughter and felt like it was an uphill battle. People dismissed me or assumed I just needed to change my parenting style or my child’s behavior, impulses and behavior. I felt so frustrated and helpless.
Every single night, I would go to bed mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted, never feeling good enough, and I would just totally check out, shut down, doom scroll IG and have nothing left to give. Until I had to do it all over again the next day.
If you’ve felt any of these, you are NOT alone and you don’t have to feel this way anymore. ALL of these feelings are valid and so real.
I knew deep down I couldn’t continue down the path I was heading because I was miserable and it was affecting all aspects of my life and how I was showing up for my family, my friends, and especially for my daughter.
AND I’M PASSIONATE ABOUT HELPING PARENTS LIKE YOU GET OUT OF SURVIVAL MODE, FEEL SEEN, FIND YOUR VILLAGE AND SHOW UP WITH MORE CONFIDENCE, CALMNESS, AND LESS STRESS.
HI, I'M SALIMA
I spent years focusing on my daughter and how to “fix” her issues and help her progress. I was focusing on the wrong things to ultimately lead to real change.
SO WHAT CHANGED?
→ I have surrounded myself with a community of parents that love me and my child unconditionally, and I feel supported, safe, and understood.
→ My daughter gets invited to birthday parties and play dates, she has friends, confidence and is thriving in her current school after being kicked out of three previous schools.
→ We go on trips every year with other families that love us and our daughter without judgment, and being able to travel with friends has been such a gift.
→ I’ve addressed so many of my emotions that I suppressed for years and feel more calm, acceptance, and joy on a daily basis and have a stronger relationship with my daughter as a result. I’ve learned to connect with her based on how she best communicates and connects with me, not how I need to connect with her. Now, we play UNO and other games, she gives me hugs, and she tells me about her school day when I pick her up, which she never used to do.
→ I’ve identified my triggers and know why they affect me and how to manage them when I am feeling stressed.
→ Having “me time” is a regular part of my life now, whether it be quiet time alone at home or going out with friends, going to pilates or getting a massage. I’ve set boundaries that have been life changing and have learned to say “no,” ask for help when I need it, let go of control, and allow time for myself without shame or guilt.
→ I don’t have anxiety and a pit in my stomach anymore when I show up to her IEP meetings, parent teacher conferences or doctors’ appointments because I have confidence in advocating for my daughter, myself and my parenting choices.
→ I’ve learned I’m all out of effs when it comes to what people think about me and my parenting because I have my village and know who my true and real friends are.
→ My husband and I go out on date nights, have a stronger relationship and have built a true partnership with our parenting.
TODAY...
It’s so crazy, but we aren’t taught the truth about how to deal with parenting a child with special needs. Everyone tries to address the wrong issues, and that’s why we all spin our wheels and are stuck in survival mode!
There’s all types of parenting out there. Permissive, Attachment, Authoritarian, Helicopter, Gentle, Calm. I’m not judging any of them or saying any of them are better than others, but parenting a child with special needs or disabilities has its own set of unique challenges and emotions, and none of these methods address our specific needs. What I found was that all the parenting and behavioral advice I tried seemed to apply to neurotypical kids, and nothing I tried worked for my daughter. I had to figure it all out on my own over the years, and ultimately, what I found was that I had to start with myself.
But, we are told all kinds of BS stories about parenting that set us up for failure:
Things like:
→ If your child has a behavior problem, you need to discipline more or have more consequences
→ You need to learn how to control your child better
→ Your child just isn’t trying hard enough
→ Wait until your child is calm and then they will be able to process and learn what to do the next time they get upset, have a meltdown, etc. (this one was SO frustrating)!
→ Other parents of neurotypical kids dismissively saying: I know exactly how you feel. What you're dealing with is so normal! Everyone’s kids have meltdowns sometimes (or insert any behavior here).
....plus a ton of other really ridiculous things that are just big fat lies!
Your emotions, mindset, triggers, coping skills and relationships are literally the biggest things influencing how you show up to effectively parent your child and deal with your day to day life. Without first addressing those, you can’t learn the proper tools and resources to best parent your child and implement them successfully.
But, we are told all kinds of BS stories about parenting that set us up for failure:
Things like:
→ If your child has a behavior problem, you need to discipline more or have more consequences
→ You need to learn how to control your child better
→ Your child just isn’t trying hard enough
→ Wait until your child is calm and then they will be able to process and learn what to do the next time they get upset, have a meltdown, etc. (this one was SO frustrating)!
→ Other parents of neurotypical kids dismissively saying: I know exactly how you feel. What you're dealing with is so normal! Everyone’s kids have meltdowns sometimes (or insert any behavior here).
....plus a ton of other really ridiculous things that are just big fat lies!
SO HERE’S THE PROBLEM…
Not even hesitate to text or call an understanding friend when you need to vent, need support, or want a fun night in or out with a girlfriend because you’ve finally found “your people”?
Know exactly how to cope and handle situations when you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed or triggered?
Have your child be invited to play dates and birthday parties with kids that accept them as they are?
Confidently (but kindly) tell that judgy mom or family member that you know exactly what you’re doing and how to best parent your child, so she can keep her opinions to herself?
Figure out how to take time for yourself in a meaningful way that fits your life and your child's life and stop feeling guilty about doing things for yourself and prioritizing your own needs?
Enjoy family moments together with more joy and presence and less stress and anxiety?
Connect with your child on a deeper level and know exactly how to show up for him/her because you’re showing up as the best version of you?
TELL ME, HOW AMAZING WOULD IT FEEL TO...
WORK WITH ME
PLEASE DM ME ON INSTAGRAM @SALIMAFETTER OR SEND AN EMAIL TO HELLO@SALIMAFETTER.COM IF YOU HAVE ANY OTHER QUESTIONS!
Great question. While my coaching could absolutely also apply to parents of neurotypical children, it is designed for parents that have special needs or neurodivergent children because our needs are unique and different. Defining what is considered a neurodivergent or special needs child is broad and can include but is not limited to Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, anxiety, Sensory Processing Disorder, ODD, intellectual impairment, physical disabilities, medical disorders and Down Syndrome.
Q: What profile of child is YOUR COACHING appropriate for when you say special needs, DISABILITIES or neurodivergent? I want to make sure this is right for me.
As a parent to a neurodivergent child or child with special needs or disabilities, I understand how precious time is, and when you're investing in something, you want to make sure you are getting valuable information and actionable steps that work - I get it! That's why I've designed my coaching to be efficient, productive and useful.
I've created multiple way to work together depending on your needs and bandwidth. Whichever path you choose, my goal is to make effective use of our time and help you see results.
Q: I’m already so busy and overwhelmed! How much time will COACHING take?
I know from my own personal experience and the results of other parents that I’ve helped that my coaching works, and I am confident that it will make a difference for you and your family, too!
Q: Will this really work for me?
Parents just like you and me. Parents who have special needs and neurodivergent children who are looking for support, friendship, understanding, and a safe space to share, learn, vent, grow, laugh, and listen. Everyone in the community is being coached, and it is a nonjudgmental tribe and village of like-minded parents who understand each other and are genuinely excited and interested in connection and change.
Q: Who is part of the online Facebook community?
My coaching method is designed specifically for parents of special needs and neurodivergent children. Additionally, my approach is designed to address aspects of self, family and relationships to allow growth, healing and transformation in a holistic way. That’s how this is different. We look at you as a whole person and all aspects of your life that are affecting your mental health, happiness, ability to build community, connect in your relationships, and my coaching provides tools and ways to best connect with and help your child. And it’s all done within a safe, non judgmental environment with support.
Q: How is YOUR COACHING different from all the other parent programs, IG accounts, books, behavioral coaches, etc that I’ve researched and tried in the past?
If you've signed up for a Support & Strategy Session or 1:1 coaching, you'll be emailed a link to my Calendly calendar. Show Up will be emailed to your inbox weekly, and the Relationship Workshop is also sent via email.
Q: What happens after I SIGN UP FOR COACHING?
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
You’re tired of feeling like there’s no hope and you’re ready for real change.
You want to meet other moms like you that “get it.”
You want support through this parenting journey and to feel more joy and less anxiety and stress.
You’ve tried everything under the sun and nothing has worked.
FIT FOR COACHING IF:
perfect
YOU ARE THE
LET'S GET STARTED!
I can’t wait to help you!
you deserve it.
Have hope in what feels like the impossible. Trust in a different outcome for the future.
believe in YOURSELF.
Our special kids constantly show us strength, courage, love, resilience and that they can do hard things, and we fight hard to advocate for them every single day. Now it’s time to advocate for yourself, invest in yourself and create the future you want for you and your family.
Parents like us have a unique gift and ability to believe in the impossible and in outcomes that others can’t yet see. We have endless belief, endless hope, and endless tenacity when it comes to our children.
